All posts by josh

I am a mid-30s vegetarian atheist living in TX with my wife @VixenLenore. I like reading and coffee. In my free time I'm general manager of a popular restaurant

This is your brain on drugs

Friday night when I got to work there was a crazy lady outside. She had gotten there at four o’clock and was still there when I showed up at ten. She was skitzin’ or cracked out or something. She had been harassing the customers and employees the entire time, but everyone was too afraid of her to call the cops. I, of course, said “Fuck this, she ain’t stayin’ out here on my shift! She does one thing wrong and she’s gone.” Less than five minutes later she comes in, refills her coffee cup, and leaves. Normally, I don’t charge for refills; I think I have charged five times in the three months I have worked there, all because my manager was watching. But still, that 75 cent refill was enough for me. I called the cops right in front of her. Anyone else would have taken off, but she just stood there, watching me and giving me the finger.

Once I got off the phone she went outside. I was thinking that maybe she would leave, but instead she just stood out front, holding the door for customers and giving me the evil eye. I think she was trying to look harmless or something; I don’t understand the brains of crackheads. So this short pudgy officer shows up. He is talking to her, and she turns and walks to her car. He tells her “Oh, fuck no, you don’t walk away from me while I’m talking to you!” and pushes her up against her car. He has both arms pinned against her back, but every time he tries to reach for his cuffs she almost breaks free, so he has no choice but to hold her there until his backup arrives.

Ten minutes later, flashing lights show up. She starts screaming at the top of her lungs. Not saying anything, just making noise. Four more cars roll in, gangbuster style, and seven or eight cops run across the lot at her. It looks like something for a movie.

I go comb my hair in case channel five shows up. They don’t, but that’s okay.

They take her to the ground, double-cuff her (and shackle her legs) and put her in a car. She won’t talk. They have to dig through her car and pull out her registration to find out her name. They take her to jail and give her a criminal trespass warrant.

I have the most awesome job in the world.

Why I drink alone

When you are drinking by yourself, you can just say to yourself, “Man, I’ve had too much; I’m going to bed.” But when you are drinking with friends (or a date) you are more inclined to say “I’ve had too much; lets stop after this next one.” Then you get sick.

Don’t ask how my date went.

Doesn’t the law apply to everyone?

A 97 year old lady is pissed off because she got arrested. She got pulled over for having an expired registration, and it turned out she had a six month old outstanding warrant for the same registration! So the cops take her to jail, but she is convinced she is the victim here. That’s no big deal, most criminals think that. But what troubles me is that everyone agrees with her! She received letters of apology from both the mayor and governor, and was given a new registration free! Just because she goes to the media complaining that she was “handcuffed and fingerprinted like a common criminal.” Having been in jail a couple of times, I have news for this lady-criminals don’t get more common that not paying a ticket.

Sorry to rant. That pisses me off and I had to get it off my chest.

Lord Of The Rings Review

I have tried to watch Lord of the Rings before, but always fall asleep not far into it. I just managed, for the first time, to stay awake through the entire movie. The plot is confusing, the characters are annoying and unbelievable, and the acting is horrible.

Worst movie ever.